past, present, future
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Put the past behind. Just focus on the present and future. I keep trying to tell myself that.
But how do I put the past behind when someone whom I respect accuses me of badmouthing her leadership and competence? The absolute confusion, coupled with a whole bunch of other factors, threw me off the loop and I actually cried on the phone for the first time. Pathetic, I know.
It's fucking scary honestly. Being in a choir. Being exposed to the verbal stilettos. There's a distinct sense of irony or a twisted sense of poetic justice in the fact that while we use our voices to create such beautiful music, simultaneously we use our voices to create so much emotional damage to other people. Being completely new to a choir and being completely unaware on how to play the politics within (well, frankly, I've never been good at politics. Class or otherwise) leaves me feeling terribly vulnerable. My position sticks me in the center of the maelstrom and I didn't have the bloody common sense to realize it until now. It leaves me feeling uncertain, not about my passion, but about my ability to survive in such treacherous waters.
There's a weight settling ominously in my belly. It tells me that the the next year and a half is either going to be the best of times or the worst of times. There won't be a middle ground. No, not this time.
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aureliaz out
@ |10:39 PM|
